you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
