hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
