I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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