Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
