oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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