one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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