I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
