he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
