He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
