That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
