two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
