So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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