Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My bed smells like the plague
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
