omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
