no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
