New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
