You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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