I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im part way to drunk.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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