I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think my mom watched the whole time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
