i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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