well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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