All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
