careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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