i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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