why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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