Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so let's talk penis.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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