There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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