dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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