my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
