I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
