He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
