the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
