i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
