You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
