I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
