And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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