All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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