have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
