But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
