How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
