Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
