She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
