A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
