so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
