I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
