He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I need a burrito and a hug.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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