Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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