So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
