Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
