Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
