my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's shark week go big or go home
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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