i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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